All we really want from our partner is to be understood and loved. Yet the ways we go about this often push our partner away! Why does this happen? Why do we get stuck in disconnecting patterns of interaction? Why can’t we get the love we want?
I have supported hundreds of couples in my practice, witnessing many many interactions, and what I can tell you is this: when we’re not feeling understood or validated, we get defensive, and when we get defensive, we’re not very loving. Just think of the last interaction that you had with your partner that didn’t go well. Our internal protectors come out to protect our hurt hearts, and when we’re protecting ourselves, we really can’t tend to our partner’s hurt heart. We just can’t. We’re in a fight or flight mode, desperate for our partner to tend to us. And they can’t, because they’re in a similar space.
And what’s also true is that underneath these protectors, what the protector is protecting, is a wound that’s probably been there since childhood. Our partner has the perfect knack, it seems, of touching these vulnerable hurt places that were wounded long ago, often by parents who weren’t quite attuned to us in the way we needed. We decided things about ourselves back then, such as, my needs aren’t important. Or, I’m on my own. Or, I’m not lovable.
I invite you to explore these different parts with me, utilizing a gentle approach incorporating mindfulness and experiential techniques. I invite you to gain insight and compassion for yourself and your partner, and to give yourself and your relationship an opportunity for healing on many levels. It is possible to transform your relationship. I know this because I see it every day in my practice.
It may be that neither you nor your spouse feels much hope or energy to start traditional couples counseling. You may have tried that road before.
Discernment Counseling is specially designed for couples where one spouse is leaning towards divorce and the other wants to preserve the marriage. Couples like this don’t do well in traditional marriage counseling that aims at solving marital problems. They need a different approach.
The focus of Discernment Counseling is not on solving marital problems but on seeing if they could potentially be solved. Sessions involve separate conversations with each spouse, as well as time as a couple. Discernment Counseling is short term, just 1-5 sessions, and leads to a decision to either divorce or give the marriage a major last effort, with a clear agenda for change.
Who is Discernment Counseling for?
What will my partner and I gain by doing Discernment Counseling?
See my blog post, Marriage or divorce? The power of Discernment Counseling.
What comes to mind when you see this image? I see the plates of steel, and the rivets. And, that it is covering the heart. It is protecting the heart. Nothing can hurt it. Most if not all of my couples come in with their hearts armored to some extent, armored against their partner. I…
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in couples and individual therapy. I maintain a private practice with offices in Bothell and downtown Seattle.
I received my BS in Biology from Stanford University and my MA in Couples and Family Therapy from Seattle University. In between my two degrees I worked in biomedicine, raised two daughters, and cofounded and taught at a progressive school. My career as a therapist integrates my strengths as a nurturer, a scientist, and a learner. I am above all compassionate and empathetic, accepting and non-judgmental. I seek out evidence- and research-based practices in therapy in order to best serve my clients. I am constantly honing my expertise, pursuing continuing education and advanced training in many forms of treatment, as well as ongoing supervision and consultation with other professionals.
I am licensed by the State of Washington as a Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), license LF61000545, and am a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT).
Your goal in therapy is paramount to our work together. My goal is to provide an environment where you feel accepted and understood, yet challenged to engage in meaningful self-exploration.
My therapeutic orientation is based on a humanistic and family systems approach. I believe that all humans possess a deep desire for purpose and meaning, and that we are influenced by the people in our lives, including our family-of-origin. Understanding ourselves and how each of our relationships impacts us helps us to understand and modify our behaviors. I offer an individualized approach to meet the unique needs of your situation, drawing from evidence-based practices. I am a certified Hakomi therapist. In my work with couples, I utilize attachment-based and experiential approaches (EFT, Hakomi, and PACT) along with Gottman techniques to address patterns of conflict and promote stronger relationships. For those couples experiencing divorce ambivalence, I offer Discernment Counseling to support intentionality around the decision to work on the marriage or separate. I am a certified Discernment Counselor through the Doherty Relationship Institute.
Before opening my private practice, I provided therapy to individuals, couples, and families for 18 months in community mental health, and I worked with teens, children, and parents in the field of education for over 20 years. My education, training, and life experiences have prepared me to counsel individuals of all cultures, ethnicities, races, religious/spiritual backgrounds, gender identities, and sexual orientations. I welcome diversity to my practice.
I support adults, couples, and families facing stresses and challenges, including:
Relationships
Communication
Intimacy
Family Conflicts
Life Transitions
Grief & Loss
Sadness & Depression
Anxiety
Parenting
Family of Origin
Trauma & PTSD
Death & Dying
Sexuality
Spirituality
Finding Meaning
I provide supervision for LMFTAs and LMHCAs in the state of Washington, and provide consultation with fully licensed clinicians. I am a great fit for you if you are curious about or want to learn more about:
I also work with Discernment Counselors who are newly trained or certified. I am a certified Hakomi therapist (2018) and a certified Hakomi teacher (2022) through Seattle Hakomi Education Network. I am a certified Discernment Counselor through the Doherty Institute (2018). My specialty is couples work utilizing Hakomi experiential approaches and Discernment Counseling.
Supervision: $150/hour.
Dyadic Supervision: $75/hour per participant.
Individual & Couples Counseling: $225 per 55 minute session. Longer sessions are available upon request and prorated accordingly.
Discernment Counseling: $275 per hour. First sessions are normally 2 hours and subsequent sessions 90 minutes.
Payment is due at session end. I accept cash, check, and debit/credit/HSA/FSA cards. I do not bill insurance directly. I am an out-of-network provider and will give you a receipt to submit to your insurance company. Check with your insurance company to see what their reimbursement policy is for an out-of-network provider.
