Is your relationship fractured?

You break a bone. The pain may be excruciating, or it may be a dull ache. The area of the break is likely to swell and bruise. You will lose function and know that something is wrong. You will most likely seek medical care. The doctors may put the bone back in place and cast…

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What systems are you stuck in?

What systems are you stuck in? My work is to help couples see and understand their often problematic dyadic system, you see. So maybe I can help you with this. It’s only by seeing our dysfunctional systems that we are able to pop out of them.   “Hang on a sec,” you may be asking –…

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Tree coming down – a reflection

It’s a surprise to me, coming out for a walk into the lovely cold sunshine, to hear the saws buzzing. A tree is being felled. I walk slowly up the road to see a man looped into the height of the tree, lopping off branches. He is lopping off branches while the smell of sap…

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An interview with Liz
about teletherapy with couples

My partner Tom thought that an interview with me would be a great idea, and I thought, “Why not?” Here it is! Thanks Tom. Tom: So you’ve done teletherapy with couples a few times now. Liz: 50 or 60. Tom: How is it different? Liz: Obviously we are not in the same room. We are…

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Feeling unsettled – a reflection

Spring is here. The cherry trees are blooming and filling the air with their sweet sweet scent. The sky is blue blue blue and the mountains are clean and white and sharp against the sky. I walk along the solid grey tarmac of the road with spring springing all about feeling unsettled. There is an…

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To those that are grieving
this holiday season

To those that are grieving this holiday season, I’m thinking about you right now. I want you to know that I am with you in spirit as you navigate this difficult time of the holidays. I get it. I get your pain. Of course your heart is feeling black and constricted, you have suffered a…

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Focusing on the “pair” in “repair”

A new couple, Anna and Thomas,* is in my office, sitting as far away from each other as they can on the couch. Anna is silently crying as she wads a piece of Kleenex between her fingers. Her husband Thomas is talking about an escalated argument they’d had that morning. “I hate it when she…

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It begins with a secret

It begins with a secret. You start to think that you are unhappy in your relationship, and you keep that knowledge close to your private heart. You are unhappy in your relationship, and you keep getting proof of it. Your partner just isn’t meeting your needs. You’re unhappy. Look – there they go again, doing…

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On setting boundaries

 I found a turtle up on the hill behind my house the other day and it made sense. My talk with many of my clients recently had been around boundaries, you see, so it made total sense that I would happen to find a turtle. At least that’s what I told myself as I walked…

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