What comes to mind when you see this image? I see the plates of steel, and the rivets. And, that it is covering the heart. It is protecting the heart. Nothing can hurt it. Most if not all of my couples come in with their hearts armored to some extent, armored against their partner. I…
I realize I’ve been holding my breath lately. I’m not usually even aware of this but for some reason am realizing it today. I’ve been holding my breath. As I walk, as I talk, as I work… the oxygen is not reaching my alveoli as it should. The reason is not a mystery to me.…
Imagine this. You and your partner are waiting for your teletherapy couples counseling session to begin with me. You are sitting in your separate chairs in the kitchen, your computer open on the counter, waiting for me to start the Zoom meeting. As you wait, you nervously glance at your partner. The two of you…
There is a place we long for. It is safe. It is comfortable. It is a place where we can be authentic and drop our defenses. It feels like Home, perhaps a home we never had. We can cry there. We can laugh there. We can rest there. We long for this place and we…
Les and Chris are fairly new clients for me, via teletherapy. Body language – even over Zoom – gives me a lot of information on how a couple is doing, and this couple is no exception. Les sits facing me and Chris is slightly turned away from Les, sitting about a foot apart on their…
You and your partner are sitting on your couch at home, doing teletherapy with me. Like most couples, you have come to me for help with communication. I ask you this question as a check-in: “How’s your relationship been this past week?” “Disconnected,” you might say. “We had an argument a few days ago and…
What if you and your partner had a way to avoid getting into escalated arguments? You know, those arguments that don’t go anywhere, where you get irritated and annoyed and angry and self-protective, where you don’t feel heard or understood, and where you lash out at your partner or go off in a huff and…
You break a bone. The pain may be excruciating, or it may be a dull ache. The area of the break is likely to swell and bruise. You will lose function and know that something is wrong. You will most likely seek medical care. The doctors may put the bone back in place and cast…
What systems are you stuck in? My work is to help couples see and understand their often problematic dyadic system, you see. So maybe I can help you with this. It’s only by seeing our dysfunctional systems that we are able to pop out of them. “Hang on a sec,” you may be asking –…
It’s a surprise to me, coming out for a walk into the lovely cold sunshine, to hear the saws buzzing. A tree is being felled. I walk slowly up the road to see a man looped into the height of the tree, lopping off branches. He is lopping off branches while the smell of sap…